How Motherhood Changed Me as a Doctor

Hi, my name is Praveena.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a pediatrician. It just made sense. I loved babies—they were tiny, fragile, and perfect. I had a knack for calming them down, even when they were at their fussiest. During my training, I became the go-to person for all the tough jobs. Setting difficult IV lines? No problem. Handling the most distressed newborns? I was on it. Everyone assumed I’d end up in pediatrics, and honestly, I thought so too.

Then I became a mother—and everything changed.

When I held my baby for the first time, it felt like my heart cracked open. I’d been around so many babies before, but this was different. This was my baby. The love I felt was overwhelming, but so was the fear. Suddenly, I saw all the things that could go wrong, all the tiny ways the world felt unsafe.

At first, I thought it was just a new-mom phase. I told myself, “Give it time, you’ll get back to your old self.” But as the months passed, I realized I was different now. I started avoiding shifts where I’d have to work with babies. When I couldn’t avoid them, I’d hesitate—something I never used to do. My hands felt shaky when I was setting IV lines, and I couldn’t stop second-guessing myself. I kept thinking, What if I mess this up? What if I hurt them?

As a doctor, I was great with kids in the moments I had with them. I’d reassure them when they were scared, tell them a quick story to distract them, and somehow get the job done, whether it was setting a line or stitching a wound. But as a parent, it’s not just about those moments. It’s every single day. Every tear, every worry, every need—I had to be there and face it, no matter how tired or unsure I felt. There was no clocking out, no handing over care to someone else.

For a while, I didn’t tell anyone. I was afraid of what people might think. How could I, a doctor, admit that I was scared of babies? It felt ridiculous, even to me.

One night, after a particularly hard day, I was scrolling through my phone while rocking my baby to sleep. I stumbled across a Reddit group for healthcare workers who were also parents. Honestly, I don’t even know what I was looking for—maybe reassurance, maybe just a sign that I wasn’t losing my mind. And there it was. Post after post from doctors and nurses sharing stories that sounded exactly like mine. They talked about how becoming parents had made them see things differently, how it sometimes made them more cautious, even scared. I wasn’t the only one.

Reading their stories felt like a lifeline. For the first time, I didn’t feel so isolated. I even worked up the courage to share my own story, and the responses were so kind and supportive. People told me they’d felt the same way, that it was okay to feel this way. It was the validation I didn’t realize I needed.

Becoming a mom changed me in ways I never expected. It made me softer, more empathetic—but also more vulnerable. And while I still miss the fearless doctor I used to be, I’m learning to embrace this new version of myself. It’s not better or worse—it’s just different. And that’s okay.

Have you experienced a life-changing moment that reshaped your perspective?